HOW TO WRITE SWAZI MUSIC

Mo and I have suffered culture shock on different occasions, but today’s lesson will be Music Appreciation, Swazi style. Swazi music is very simple. Think nothing more complex than four quarter notes in 4/4 time and a key signature of more-or-less C.
First of all, we’ll work on the rhythm line. This will be carried by a few Swazi males, at least one of which is tone deaf and another is in rapture or experiencing some sort of high. Put down four quarter notes of the same tone for the first measure; second measure is four quarter notes two thirds lower; now come up one third and another four quarter notes; finally, come up to the original tone and four quarter notes. Repeat. Repeat again. Repeat ad nauseum. The words aren’t significant at this point—they’re mumbled in siSwati.
Now we’re ready for the soloist. The soloist will have a range of up to four or five notes—not necessarily in the same key as the bass line. Find a Swati who is suffering from a very sour stomach. It would help if he has recently lost his job and just learned of his HIV status. Tell him to start shouting. If he comes close to being on key or feeling the rhythm, poke him with a sharp stick. That’s about it except for dynamics: Everything is SD is fortissimo con brio.
If you perform your music in public, you’ll need to know the Swazi dance step. That means you will shift your weight from one foot to the other every other beat. The foot doesn’t have to leave the floor, but for high energy pieces might be lifted knee high. But keep it simple.
Now you have an understanding of Swazi music. In practice, this is found everywhere. You’ve read my complaint about khumbis; and at any public gathering, the music is always present at conversation-limiting volume and the guy on the PA system will jack the volume up, in that pause when the speaker takes a breath between sentences, so that there is never a moment to let the ear drum relax. Yesterday, we were at a function with a live combo. It was simply unbelievable, their lack of lyricism and tonality. By comparison, it made the River City Boys’ Band sound like the New York Symphony. So we rely on our i-pod with regularity to keep in touch with more western music. Debbie has been listening to Christmas music at this time of year and I have my usual favorites. (…and since my birthday, I still have The Music Man in my head. Ah, that’s what Sd needs, Professor Harold Hill!). Seeing no questions or comments, you're dismissed. We’ll talk more, later.